Don't Fake It

Good afternoon readers!

Todays post is inspired by a conversation I had a while back with someone I used to be friends with. As many of you know, I had a sweet baby boy who was stillborn, and it was undoubtedly the most difficult thing for me to deal with. I'll get more into that situation another day though. This friend and I were discussing how irritating and frustrating it is when some people try to be there for you during the death of a loved one. They come to you saying "I can only imagine what this is like" and "I know you are hurting" when in reality they don't know anything.

Now, I understand that good intentions are there when people say such things. Personally, I feel no anger towards such people. At the same time though, it honestly does nothing for me, which brings me to the point of todays post. Don't fake it. If you want to be there for somebody going through any sort of hard time, offer exactly what you have to offer. Don't try to push for more.

Often times you aren't going to understand what someone else is going through. We each deal with our own set of unique trials. If you happen to have had a very similar experience to somebody else then empathy is exactly what should be offered. Where that is not the case though, don't fake empathy.

Speaking from experience, we often hear the "I'm sorry" statement. I'm just going to be blunt here and say that "I'm sorry" is awkward and uncomfortable. Say what you really mean. When you have no idea what someone is going through it is best to just outright admit that to them. Acknowledge that you don't have any idea what it is like. The best step to take from there is to also acknowledge that you care about them as a person, and you hate to see them in the kind of pain they are in or were in. If you love and care about that person, you don't need to understand what they are going through. Bring to the table exactly what you have to offer -- your love and your concern for their well-being.

Now, if you don't know somebody that well and you don't know what they are going through either, I honestly suggest you keep away from the situation. Morbid curiosity hurts an individual going through something. When its a situation where you hear something horrible happened to a friend of a friend so somebody you know is in one of your classes or a coworker but you've never spoken a word to them in your life, you're mostly likely going to say to yourself "Oh thats awful!" and then forget about it the next day. In that situation, as much as I know you have good intentions, its not a good idea to try to make your business something that is not. If a person doesn't come to you for whatever reason asking you for help and friendship, stay out of it. You don't really have anything to offer, and to fake it will once again make both you and the struggling individual uncomfortable.

I make one exception to my point in that last paragraph. On occasion, there are things you can offer in a situation where you neither know the person nor the situation. Lets say a neighbor had to have their legs amputated for whatever reason, heaven forbid, and they are recovering from the operation. If you feel so inclined to be of service, there's always the stereotypical bringing dinner to them option. You have to be careful upon delivering such service, so as to not cross the line of faking it, but just a simple "hello" and a nice gift is a perfect way to express your acknowledgement of what they are going through.

I apologize if anyone finds offense from this post, but I stand firmly by what I am saying here. I know all too well and I hear all too often from people who are going through things that people really don't know how to handle these kinds of situations. Bring to the table exactly what you have to offer and nothing more. What you have to offer is enough, I promise.

♥//Brittany