Emotional Independence

Hello my darlings.


Its been over a year since I posted on here and I thought it was high time I changed that.

A lot has happened in this past year, a lot which is very difficult for me to deal with on a day to day basis. What I have become and what I am becoming is a dramatic shift from what I could have ever possibly imagined when I was on my way to Brigham Young University - Idaho last year. I was re-watching the first season of Sherlock the other day and it struck me how Watson's psychiatrist suggests he write a blog to deal with his issues. I decided to take this to heart, in attempt to better deal with everything. Rather than barfing out a summary of my experiences, if you bother to follow this you'll find out over time what sort of things I've dealt with. I've learned a lot, thankfully, and I have many bits of wisdom to share with those of you who are smarter than I and are willing to learn from the mistakes of others rather than taking the hard route.

So, here's your first little blurb about what I've learned and, to be honest, am still learning.

I've become very much into reading leadership/management/self-help books, and one of my favorites is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I recall reading of the importance of independence in order to have the capacity to be interdependent. As I had been reading of this is all made sense to me and I thought to myself, "Yes, this is truth!"

But, let me be completely honest with you, I didn't take it to heart. Mentally I was fully aware of what was needed; I was even conscious of the fact that emotionally I was still lacking in independence. It was too difficult for me to emotionally accept that though, and therefore I did not act on it. Subconsciously I was convincing myself that I could jump straight from dependence to interdependence.

Long story short, within the past few months I've had a plethora of two week flings with fellows who I fell much too hard for, and its completely torn me apart. Everybody who interacts with me regularly doesn't take me seriously anymore when I say "I just met this amazing guy and I think this could really go somewhere." and to be honest? I don't blame them. Its ripped apart my self-esteem and I don't take myself seriously either. Despite the negative outlook of everyone even remotely involved though, I took the time to really assess the situation and figure out what exactly it was that was causing the problem. What it came down to, as you already know, is the lack of emotional independence on my end.

At this point, I know I need to be sure of who I am. I rely too much on what others think of me, and I need a much higher dose of self confidence in my life. I'd say to you as my readers that it is likewise of utmost importance to you as well. Take some time to look at yourself and assess exactly how strong your self confidence is. If all of your friends and your significant other turned on you and there was nothing left but yourself and whatever spiritual figure you may or may not believe in, would you still be happy? Would you know yourself and your strengths well enough to take every negative thing said or done to you with a grain of salt?

As a final thought, we all struggle with things, and no matter how much self confidence you have, there will be days which are difficult for whatever reason. It is my belief that another key part of having self confidence is having the strength to ask for help, without fear of what others may think of your struggles, nor fear of rejection. There's a vast difference between being closed off and alone, and being independent. True independence ultimately leads to interdependence, as briefly mentioned before.

I'll be posting much more frequently now, so please do follow!

♥//Brittany